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Satan Himself Ashamed Of Meatloaf’s Latest Album

Originally, I wasn’t going to review the new Meat Loaf record. I think he’s incredibly cheesy and I hate “Bat of hell.” I also hate “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” as well but completely based on the title of his new record, “Hang cool Teddy bear” I’m going to go into this thing blind and be optimistic for the sake of some honest journalism. Really, the name alone is worth the listen. I’m a writer, things like this matter to me. I wanted to know more about the name and what it signified and as all things go, I’m sure the name will reveal itself through song.

I’m going try something different with this review and I’m going to take you through my process as I listen to the record and decide if it’s worth buying or spitting on when you pass it in Best Buy. Good luck Meat Loaf.

Track one, titled “Peace on Earth” is this weird kind of country influenced opera thing and it’s pretty lame. It’s like this big thinking piece about war or something and tubs here decided he wanted to be operatic Johnny Cash. This is a bad idea. This song sucks. When he croons “I doooon’t wanna dieeee,” I wanted to drive to this guys house and burn it down for annoying me to my core.

Track two, “living on the outside” sounds like some hokey Buckcherry riff that bar rock dudes eat up but then it goes back to the fat dude talking about car stuff and things humans with brains cannot relate to. Again, this cd is not doing me any favors in terms of enjoying Meat Loaf.

Oh fuck. Track three has cheesy record scratches and begins with: “Yo baby, I wrote you this poem.” I went no further. Old white guys who should never use the word “yo” in any context whatsoever.

“Song of madness” starts out all metal and he starts singing about magic. What, is he trying to channel Ronnie James Dio now? Seriously dude, this record is as interesting as a used condom. Oh wait, he talked about the devil! This makes the use of distorted guitars that much more poignant. He’s talked about lambs blood, shadows, and the skies burning red… what the hell am I listening to? Even black metal lyrics aren’t this stupid.

Well, I’ve made it to the song titled “Elvis in Vegas” which most would assume is going to be all singy songy and possibly the saving grace considering Elvis was a badass, but no. Meat Load seriously sings “I had to listen to a trucker, talk to me about the meaning of life.” What in God’s name were the record company people thinking when they all sat around a table and went, “Goddamnit Jones, the world, no the universe needs another Meat Loaf record!” The world did not need this. No one needs this.

After cruising through the rest of the material on this disc, I know ole’ Meaty wanted to create some kind of milestone concept record but after being a fan of bands who actually do this with skill, this seems just contrived and bland. If you can find plausible moments here, I seriously question your sanity and musical taste. I doubt the weirdo’s who thought “opera rock” was cool in the ‘70s wouldn’t get this. The acid has long worn off.

I’ve heard this song and dance from this dude before and I don’t want to hear it ever again. I still hate your music Meat Loaf, sorry. You still lose.

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18 Legacy Comments

  • Comment by RD posted May 09, 2010 at 18:10

    Goddamnit, even the cover is stupid!

  • Comment by JasonImbro posted June 13, 2010 at 18:56

    you know it really pisses me off when people just complain about good music and think that they know everything about everything…this review is bollocks…this person is just comparing his hatred for bat out of hell and just judging it like that…well i say FUCK YOU…for starters bat out of hell is one the greatest albums of all time…hense its top ten space in the all time biggest selling albums…and this album is a fantastic peace of music…all i can say is…you dont have a fucking clue…just go back and listen to your heavy metal shit and leave the real talent to people who can play more chords than an EM!!!!

  • Comment by JasonImbro posted June 13, 2010 at 18:57

    truth about music my ass

  • Comment by captain howdy posted June 14, 2010 at 17:12

    MEAT LOAF SUCKS! EAT A DICK FAN BOY!

  • Comment by Caryl posted June 22, 2010 at 06:27

    To JasonImbro: Whilst I might not have used your words exactly .. I certainly thought them :)

    I heard this album at the London Playback for the UK media, and was just blown away by the fresh, new sound, with massive guitars at last, and Meat unleashed to deliver a rollercoaster ride of rock’n'roll for the 21st century. Most professional reviewers have been very positive.

    Jason, why don’t you (and any fan of good rock) visit http://meatchart.net and join the worldwide campaig to get Like A Rose to the top of the UK Singles chart w/c 29 November

  • Comment by Mike posted July 30, 2010 at 05:30

    Meat Loaf has sold over 80 million records and had a successful music career spanning 4 decades. What have you ever achieved, you fucking losers.

    You’re the worst kind of reviewers – closed minded ones, full of their own sniggering self-importance.

    Your opinions do not matter to anyone but the giggling hipsters who flock to your site so that they can be told by other giggling hipsters what it is and isn’t okay to like.

    Those with minds of their own know better.

  • Comment by diane posted September 05, 2010 at 03:38

    Look you so called Journalist It is not called Rock opera it is theatrical Rock and if you don’t like Meatloaf than you have a bias to begin with.

    I don’t know when you were a teen but this was popular in the late 70′s into the 80′s and you have to watch rocky horror picture show to get it a few times myself back then and yes I knew guys who would cross dress and stand up in the theater and do the Timewoap I dated two of them briefly they looked better than me in costume . It was about having fun and doing something out of the ordinary. Meatloaf isn’t trying to be Queen or DAVid Bowie with ziggy stardust or stxy with paradise theater. He tells a story with his music and that is if you understand the story. Bat out of hell was about growing up from teen to adulthood and we all went through it so yes we identified with Paradise by the dash board light. Sex love marriage and divorce or staying until I am waiting for the end of time so I can end my time with you ….death do us part and making a vow and Keeping a promise…Or being damed if you don’t with someone else and life can be like this meatloaf albumn a story is always something that someone can relate to.
    This one of a soldier dying and seeing his life what it was or what it might have been go before him as he dies I am sure there are so many young men and women serving and it could be a tail of what a young man wished for or longed for before his early death
    maybe you can’t get it but I am sure there are people who do. I am a parent and I get it not because I lost a child in war. What about all those young people dying before they even have a chance to live. Peace on Earth we need Peace on Earth and yes it’s a weird song but it get’s you thinking…all the death and all the dying.,,

    We need peace on earth….not you saying Meatloaf album isn’t good you need to do is ask the fans…take a poll you idot… this fan say brovo meatloaf…borvo

  • Comment by diane posted September 05, 2010 at 03:42

    Sorry a few type’o I said Timewarp spelled it wrong and Bravo.

  • Comment by diane posted September 05, 2010 at 03:48

    You don’t get it song of Madness is he’s on Pain meds cause he’s a dying soldier and life is now distorted and when your life is slipping away you can’t stop it must be like going mad in madness and he’s trying to hold on mentally but it isn’t and we see the breakedown of the mind of the soldier… that’s my take on it but I only heard this song once from the CD… It’s not my favorite cause our son had a breakdown and it is exactly what a breakdown is like…

  • Comment by diane posted September 05, 2010 at 03:53

    It is taken from a short story the problem is that a lot of us are not familiar with the short story that it is taken from.

    You have to go back to the story it is based on to maybe get a better sense of it. People don’t read as much these days… sorry but that is the truth.

  • Comment by p parker guitar posted September 25, 2010 at 17:05

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  • Comment by Gummas posted November 30, 2010 at 10:06

    Dude you already have a bias against Meatloaf which is stopping you from even giving the album a chance, not to mention all the personal attacks on his weight which prove your more of a jealous asshole than a real critic. While i agree that some songs are lame and many other bands do the concept album much better there are fantastic tracks here, a great story and meatloafs killer vocal chops to boot.

    The only thing lacking in this album is the ups and downs of tempo and style, pretty much every song on the album is the same speed and structure, aside from Elvis in Vegas which is an epic tale of a teenager living the dream and never fails to bring me goosebumps.

    Not Meatloaf’s greatest record but it still stands out among a lot of the garbage being put out by other artists, and in a decade where most rock/metal music is muffled by screamed vocals the Loaf flies the flag of pure vocal talent and clean delivery.

  • Comment by Jim posted December 22, 2010 at 17:47

    What song did Meat Loaf do in the 2007 T.V. Commercial?
    What song did he sing on Huckabee a few months ago?

  • Comment by Engulesh foe buginnneres posted January 02, 2012 at 01:53

    hense its top ten space in the all time biggest selling albums…blah blah
    OK we torking bout hens ina hens houze or is we taulking bout ‘HENCE’ , yo big big big differenz bwtweeeen hense or hence. Yo bro it hurts mu head insides to be tinking – gramar suks, yo bro if i wuz edukated i’d be famoss.

  • Comment by Engulesh foe buginnneres posted January 02, 2012 at 01:55

    hense its top ten space in the all time biggest selling albums…blah blah
    OK we torking bout hens ina hens houze or is we taulking bout ‘HENCE’ , yo big big big differenz bwtweeeen hense or hence. Yo bro it hurts mu head-insides to be tinking – gramar suks, yo bro if i wuz edukated i’d be famoss.

  • Comment by JDW posted June 19, 2012 at 13:46

    No, this album isn’t his best, and I own them all. It took me a couple of listens to get into it and even after that I didn’t enjoy all of the songs on it. But I have to say, from one critic to another, Robert you suck as a reviewer. Sometimes if you don’t like something, you have to give it a real chance to begin with and if you know you don’t like Meat Loaf then why in the hell did you review this, just so you can have something to bitch about? Most of his stuff sounds the same even when it differs from the norm that’s why his fans keep coming back. If you don’t like him, don’t listen.

  • Comment by Brian posted February 07, 2013 at 22:02

    This review is spot on. Meat Loaf sucks and this is a terrible, cheesy, pointless album released by a hack who had two semidecent hits decades ago, All the other comments here must be written by the same retard, probably Mr. Loaf himself.

  • Comment by Old Man In Pain posted February 19, 2013 at 05:15

    OK, first off everyone is entitled to their opinions, they are like assholes, and everyone has one. Robert has his, I have mine.
    I am a fan of Meat Loaf. I have the original “Bat out of Hell” signed by Meat, Karla, and Jim. I played Eddie in our local production of Rocky Horror, (not due to my acting or singing ability, but because I was the only one that had a 1948 Flathead Harley).
    The only thing I agree with Robert about is that old fat guys, (myself included in there) should never start ANYTHING with “Yo baby”. Nope, just doesn’t work for us.
    I do have to wonder why someone that hates a certain artist would review that artist work? I would never write anything about Punk Rock, as I am not a fan, and I just don’t get it. Punk Rock has its place in music history and the people who like it, and get it, are certainly more qualified to write about it then me.
    Perhaps Robert can tell himself that he was honestly going to give this record a really unbiased opinion, but I don’t believe it for a second. All I see here is a hater just finding himself redeemed in his hate. He doesn’t “get it”, never did, and is just looking for another reason to say why he is right and the 60 million of us who bought the Meat Loafs’ albums over the years are wrong. It would be like me saying “Punk Rock sucks”, and “the world doesn’t need any more Punk Rock” it doesn’t carry any weight, because I didn’t like it to begin with.
    Why did I even read this review? Because I thought I may have found some way to understand why some people hate Meat Loaf so, when I have loved the music so. But all I ever see is the same old, tired lines that so many others have wrote.
    In closing I will say that Punk Rock fans are not going to lose any sleep over my dislike. I know Meat Loaf isn’t going to lose and sleep over Roberts’ opinion of him either. For the record Robert, I am one of those “weirdo’s from the ’70s that thought “Rock Opera” was cool. I will leave you with one question; why does millions of people know and love Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman, and probably fewer than 100 know “Robert”?
    Smiles.