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True Blood Season 6 Ep. 5 Recap: 'F*ck The Pain Away'

Photo: John P. Johnson/HBO

As always, spoilers lie ahead. Now read on, unless you’ve always hated the effin’ book of Mark…

Last week’s “At Last” let the boom drop on several big developments, including that country fairy Ben Flynn is Warlow, Niall being sent into the nether realm, Willa being made a vampire, and Pam and Nora being shipped off to vamp camp. “Fuck The Pain Away” (leave to True Blood to make that an episode title) deals with the aftermath.

Things start where they left off last week, with Sookie dangling her fairy death supernova over Warlow’s head. Warlow tries to explain himself, telling her he loves her and he only slaughtered her parents because they were trying to kill her. But Sookie’s basically like “fuck that” and pops the death supernova against his chest, causing Bill to rush through her door and work some “as your maker I command you magic” to get Warlow to come back to the Compton House of Horrors.

Warlow doesn’t understand Bill’s power over him, until Bill breaks it down for him: since Lilith was Warlow’s maker and Bill’s ingested her blood, he has inherited her memories and therefore has become Lilith/Warlow’s maker by proxy. Got it? But in case you didn’t we go through a flashback to 3500 B.C., where Warlow (in a horrible wig) is mounted, scratched and then turned by Lilith on the beach.  Bill’s likely found his golden goose in Warlow, since his hybrid blood most certainly has more potential to synthesize than the fairy foursome’s did. Though the sight of Warlow holding Professor Takahashi hostage while arguing with Billith shows this won’t be an easy process.

Later Sookie, being the eternal romantic/near-suicidal optimist she is, spills the tea to Lafayette that she thinks there maybe some goodness in Warlow and truth to his words, and asks him to summon her parents to set the record straight. More flashbacks reveal Warlow was right, and that dear old Dad wanted to kill Sookie to prevent her from becoming his fairy princess. Then Daddy appears, pops into Lafayette’s mouth–sis you need to get some type of medium mouth guard or something, ’cause that ain’t cute–and drags Sookie off to the nearest bayou to drown her. While you can argue Lafayette turns hella strong when possessed, I find it hard to believe Sookie couldn’t at some point hit him with a fairy Haduoken to the face and escape. Obviously Sookie’s not gonna bite the dust; it’s more a question of who will come to her rescue if she can’t save herself.

Jason had a slightly better day than his sister, coming home to find the former Sarah Newlin, pissed off at her new beau Governor Burrell, on his porch. Jason reminds her they didn’t end on best terms, and starts to tell her to kick rocks. Sarah though, reaches into her big bag of bull crap and gives some spiel about failing a challenge from the Almighty gave her change Jason’s life back at The Fellowship of The Sun. She goes on and on about how she’s grown, but at her core she’s still the same woman with a need to be attached to and have the undivided attention of a powerful, idealistic (or in Steve and Governor Burrell’s cased bigoted) man. Both of these men promised her that, but have failed in their own ways, so she seeks out someone weaker than herself to manipulate, using her faith as an excuse for bad behavior.

Hence her joyously hypocritical lie to Jason that “God wants me to fuck you.” It’s cruder than the Mary Magdalene metaphor that provided justification for her bathtub handjob back in season two, but the sentiment is still the same. All that said, it was worth having to listen to all of their “I’m not the same dumb kid,” “I’m not the same girl” talk to witness a few glorious moments of butt naked Jason banging his little heart out, bumping and grinding and rocking the bedsprings like it was season one.

All good things must come to an end though, the end in this case being a strung out Jessica banging on his door(has Jason’s crib become a half-way house for horny women in emotional crisis?) and then babbling about killing Andy’s daughters, whether Bill’s God or Satan and asking Jason if he ever loved her and what he loved about her. Deborah Ann Woll does such a good job of making Jessica’s vulnerability feel genuine. Even though she’s blitzed off fairy blood and feeling guilty about sucking some fae kids dry–don’t worry, one, (or is it #4?) is still alive–you almost believe if circumstances had been different she and Jason would be together.

Then Sarah comes in guns a blazing, calling her a demon whore and quoting scriptures from Mark about casting out devils, which really sets Jessica off–and here I thought it was Paul or Moses who got on everyone’s damn nerves. Anyway, Sarah rescinds Jessica’s invitation just as she’s about to snack on her, and she’s taken to camp by the police, who Sarah called of course. “My body is a fucking temple. And you have defiled it with your vampire lovin’ pecker,” she snaps at Jason. Really girl? How clean is your sanctuary after begging one man to put a ring on it and have his baby then jumping in the sack with another one in the same night?

For Jason though, the run-in with Jessica (and Warlow’s headache-curing blood) has put him back on the pro-vampire side, and judging from the shot of him walking into the LAVTF offices, it’s looks like a one-man infiltration and rescue mission is underway. Though given the “we’re evil and we deserve fry” kick Jessica is on, she may not want to be saved. Good thing she has a cell buddy like Tara to protect her, though the mysterious stranger who keeps the other inmates off their back may prove to be another ally.

As for our other vamp camp residents, Eric passes some type of survival-of-the-fittest-test and enters general population with a number one stitched on his jumpsuit. Pam (whose hair and makeup were on point!) is seeing a psychiatrist. “Hold the fuck up, am I in therapy?” she barks. Talking about feelings isn’t her bag baby, but apparently the number one on her chest means she won’t be participating in what her psychiatrist Doctor Flynn calls “the copulation study,” the number threes are engaging in (Tara better not skip any watered-down True Blood meals).

Forced to either open up or get pumped full of silver and UV rays, Pam chooses the latter, particularly after she’s offered the incentive of feeding on a human blood donor. I was afraid this was going to turn into a weep fest, seeing how vulnerable and off her game Pam has been this season. Fortunately, the writers knew better, and had Pam dish out facts about vampire’s brutal nature, getting over he maker releasing her and a great riff about how pain is a useless emotion in her trademark deadpan delivery. She’s smart enough to leave out that Eric is her maker, though what she didn’t count on is Steve Newlin being a snitch and Doctor Flynn putting her theory to the test, placing her and Eric into a room to fight to death gladiator style. Shit has officially gotten real.

In human news, Terri wants an old army buddy to take him out, as he can’t handle the guilt he feels over shooting Patrick. And honestly, maybe he should bite the dust. Terry’s likable, but really, what can the writers do with his character that wouldn’t feel completely ridiculous? Or Arlene’s? Like the werewolves, and increasingly Sam, they have no real connection to the main action, and their presence is more a distraction at this point. Andy’s only holding on because of his fairy daughters, and while the scene where Holly comforted him and talked him out of going vigilante on Bill was good, how long will it be before he too becomes dead weight?

As for Sam, he and Nicole are still on the run from the werewolves, with Nicole becoming more miserable by the minute as it dawns on her just how miserable a shifter’s existence is. Oh, and Alcide’s daddy, who got dissed and dismissed by his son earlier, spotted Sam and Nicole at the hotel he’s currently shacked up at. But whatever.

Other Thoughts:

—Okay, so I was almost right about Sarah being pregnant. She wants to have a child, but the governor’s got vampire extermination his on mind right now and ain’t got time for all that.

—At first I rolled my eyes when Eric expressed genuine shock at Governor Burrell locking away his own daughter. As I wrote last week, it’s hard to believe a vampire as old as Eric would believe such a simple, short-sighted plan would work simply because in his mind, humans are ruled by emotion. But when you think about it, it makes perfect sense for Eric to believe this. This is the same vampire who held a grudge against Russell Edgington for murdering his family for a thousand years. If he can hold on to that part of his humanity for that long, why wouldn’t a puny human like Governor Burrell be moved enough by the sight his undead daughter to see the “error” of his ways?

–The quick exchange between Tara and Jessica about whether Bill’s evil and Tara’s mother seeing the demonic in everything was nice. Both of them grew up in super religious homes with uber judgmental parents who provided lots of  condemnation but little love. Hopefully they’ll realize they are kindred spirits in more ways than one and continue to stick together.

–This is super nick-picky, but was I the only one thrown off by the lack of early 90′s fashion in Sookie’s flashback to Warlow visiting her parents? If Sookie was 25 when the show began in ’08, and around eight or nine when her parents died, that means Warlow would’ve come knocking around 1991 or 1992. So why did everyone look like they just stepped straight out of 2013? A minor thing I know, but if True Blood can take us back to the 3500 B.C., the Civil War era, the 1910s, 20′s, 30′s and early 80′s, clothing and all, why not give the early 90′s the same love? Couldn’t we have a least gotten a nice Billy Cyrus mullet from Sookie’s dad, big bouffant hair from Mama Stackhouse and a flannel shirt, Chris-Cornell/Eddie Vedder-esque ‘do and Doc Martens from Warlow? Priorities people!

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